Interruption of your regularly scheduled program

OK Kitty-Cats.  I know you all hold your breath for Thursday's to roll around and for me to bless your life with interwebs ridiculousity, however, there was a situation that happened this morning that needs to be addressed here.

You see these pants?  I bought them as an impulse buy on St. Paddy's day, because I was stuck downtown and needed to get something green ASAP.  Here is what I know about these pants, they are ridiculous and unflattering.  These things make me look THICK, and I am absolutely not THICK.  Anyways, I was in a pinch and pulled the impulsive trigger knowing that I would just end up taking photos of them eventually and just sell them on Poshmark.  Well, when I met up with The Mister later that day, he decided LOATHEDTHEEVERLIVINGISH out of these pants.

Wearing: Pants: H&M.  Top: Ambiance.  Blazer: Mystic

Fast forward to this morning.  The Mister left early for work, so, I figured I wouldn't see him until tonight, so, this would be the perfect time to just get the outfit shots of these things out of the way so I can get them listed and out of my closet.  As I was walking out the door, guess who I run into?  Yes, you guessed it, The Mister, who looked at me like this:

And I am all honeybadger with a side of don't give an ish because as I told him: "You don't have to look at me all day, what does it matter."  He was just "I hate those pants."  Fine.  I accept that.  Fast forward about 20 minutes whilst on the bus I see him tweet: "How much would you spend on a Boston Red Sox World Series Championship autographed bat?"  To which I was all:

I owe y'all some backstory.  One of my first jobs when I was done with college was working in the Marketing & Procurement Department for MLBAlumni.  I know you are asking yourselves: "Ang, WTH does that mean?"  Well, petite bebe, that means that I was basically a F-List celebrity for about 3 years while I traveled around the US and would procure and oversee signings of baseball memorabilia by retired and active baseball players.  Because as my boss told me: "Angie, who do you think Yogi Berra would rather hang out with, you or me? (He looked like this) I have subsequently met some of the most legendary ball players that have graced the game, and been in situations that grown men pay good money to experience (this timeframe will always be known as my glory days).  My mom actually begged me to write a book chronicling my experiences because if you can imagine my humor and flair for the exaggeration mixed with some of the most legendary tall tale tellers/characters of all time, it would have made for a good read (I'll get around to that whenever all my unicorns hair is perfectly coifed). Let me assure you that this was the most exciting job I have ever had, but they may as well had been paying me in Monopoly money.  Therefor, while doing my signings, I would slip in an extra ball or bat for the players to sign for my personal collection. Mommadidn'traisenofool.  Our home is now full of my personal collection.  One of my prized possessions is that I got my favorite team of all time - the entire 2004 World Series Championship Red Sox team to sign one bat (think Curt Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, Jason Varitek, Johnny Damon, Ramirez, and David Ortiz) .  I busted my ass for this get, and it's value with appreciation will pay for my grandchildren's education.  

With all that being said, I knew that when I saw that tweet, that this was in direct correlation to my pantalones.  So, I immediately tweeted back to The Mister to keep his mitts off my stuff!  DUUUUHHHHHHH!  I then texted him and asked him if he was going to try to sell my most prized possession because of my pants. He said plainly "yes."  DUUUUUDDDDEEE!!!!  The punishment does not fit the crime. 

So, with that being said, I have too much valuable crap lying around the house so, this is the first and last time you will ever be seeing these pants so that something like the following doesn't ever happen again:

FTHEYANKEES and these green pants!!!!!!  

Angie

Nothing's Perfect But It's Worth It

Hey Honeybooboochild.  How's it hangin in the hood?  Sorry for the cryingbritney moment I had yesterday, but all you old skool THYMWA people know how affected I can get when Mercury goes into retrograde.  Luckily it's only been minor things and mainly been stickin' it to "The Man" (NOT to be confused with The Mister, two totally different people).  I was really feeling it yesterday, because it was raining, MUNI pisses me off and in general sadmadblahs all over the place.  That's ok, because the sun is out today and I may have something amazing to look forward to this weekend that involves a certain boodog with 23 spots on his ears.  I am really trying to NOT get my hopes up though.

Jeans: James Jeans.  Shoes: Steve Madden.  Jacket: Zara. Top: Tobi. Scarf: Forever21

I'd like to go ahead and point out two things here before we get started.  First, my ombre is a lot lighter.  Two, I am wearing the highest waisted jeans that have been on my body since "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" came out.  My ass looks fabulous in these jeans, and they are the only high wasted jeans I have ever tried on that don't make me look like Janet Cameltoelo sooooo....Don't hate the player.

And if you wanna hate the player, this is what you'll be dealing with!

Full of Awesomeness.

Angie

It's Just One Of Those Thangs

BFFFFFFFFFL's. I had all intentions to bringbrangbrought y'all some amazeballs content today, but my interwebs isn't working at home today. Also, it's sheeting rain, and I had to walk in it for an hour and while I was on the bus I nearly poked somebody's eye out on the bus with my umbrellaellaella because I slipped . To say the least, I feel a little like this. So bear with me. Tomorrow I will be stronger than yesterday and I will bring you some downwithasickness and colorful content.

Ain't nothing gonna stand in my way.

Angie

What's Making You Smile Thursday - That's My Jam!

Hi Soulsisters.  This What Is Making You Smile Thursday is brought to you by this guy:

Here is The Mister's current jam that he is bumpin on "Party Mode"

Marcus is feeling Bey.  I have to agree with him.

@Danielle1126 says "OH SNAPPP!  THIS IS MY JAM!!!!" Whenever she hears this:

Lynsay annoys her kid with this diddy:

Sarah is just an amazing person for making this her get-down.

Baggin Like We In Publix

Hi Starfriends.  I hope you are all having as sparklegemawesome of a day that I am.  Seriously, the only way that today could have gotten better is if we win the lotto.  BTDubbs, you will know when that happens because The Mister and I will magically disappear with my closest blog friends in tow, never to be seen again.  Anywhozzle, you don't have to worry about that happening any time soon.  I am here to stay, so just chillax.  I was busier than a one armed man trying to hang wallpaper today, so this is going to be real quick.

Dress: J. Crew.  Shoes: Vintage.  Bracelet: Stella & Dot.  Necklace: Marc Jacobs.

I bigpuffyhearts all of you for all the feedback and love that I received from my last post.  You made me feel so much better about spending dumb amounts of money on myself.  Are there any other secrets that you want me to spill?  Y'all know I am an open book around here.  So, if there is anything you want to know, just ask.

Oh, and speaking of dumb amounts of money...We got a new car today!  BOOOOOOOOM goes the dynamite.  

New car smell.

Angie

Secrets of a Sephora Junkie

We are all friends around here right?  I mean straightup BFFFFFFFL's, right?  Well, as my bestgoodfriends, I have to confess something.  I never set foot in a Sephora until late last year.  When I finally went in there it was a life changing event.  Basically, those bizzles in Sephora dream and wait for a kook such as myself to walk in.  One day I got a wild hair up my ass to go in to Sephora because I was starting to freak out about my skin.  So, I stroll in nearly in hysterics and the following happened:

Me: "ZOMGZOMGZOMG.  I am freaking out because I just turned 30 and I am concerned about my circles under my eyes, the red spot on my nose, my crows feet, I smoked for 15 years and I am scaredasallhell that I have parenthesis, my cheeks are a different color than the rest of my face, oh yeah, I am Sicilian, so I have oily skin that will never crack, you may call it olive but I call it greenmakemesickblahhhh.  HELP ME."  (literally all one rambling, no breath taken sentence.)

Sephora Lady:  I have an answer for all of that.

$650 later, here is my new regimen.

1: Clinica Ivo Pitanguy Specifics Eye Cream - I actually didn't get this at Sephora, but I aint never told a lie when it comes to eye cream.  I am not exaggerating to you when I say that due to my lovely Sicilian heritage most mornings when I wake up, It looks like I have been round for round with Mike Tyson's Punchout.  Dark circles are the bane of my existence and I am scared to death of crows feet.  This eye cream is made in Brazil, and you know what freaks they are about looks and plastic surgery.  I am 100.65% positive that this is made with ground up unicorn horns and baby seal tears.  It costs $200 for a small pot of it, but I swear to everythinggoodandbritney that this is the best eye cream on the market.  It takes away puffiness, fine lines, and dark circles within one application.  MIRACLENESS! 

2: Smashbox Photo Finish - I love this stuff and won't walk out of the house without it. I kinda feel like its a cooling cream and relaxes my skin when I have any redness around my nose and controls the oilysweatyitalian factor as well.  I put this on under my Studio Fix and it controls my T-zone all day. 

3: Biore Pore Unclogging Scrub - I have been using this for years.  I haven't ever had a problem with acne, so when I have one zit it's basically the end of the world.  This stuff exfoliates all that gross dead skin and keeps my pores free and clear.  

4: Sultra The Seductress: Curl, Wave & Straight One-Inch Iron - I actually just bought this and am waiting on it's arrival.  I have high hopes, but will keep you posted on the results. I will tell you this though:  It better be the cat's meow because it cost $210.  

5: Make Up Forever HD Microfinish Powder - I use this as a setter after I put everything on my grill.  This holds all my makeup in place all day and again, combats the shiny forehead/greaseface/Mobwife situation that starts happening around 2pm.  

6: It's a 10 miracle leave-in product - Look, I am a grody individual and hate washing my hair.  It's not that I am not clean and it's not even that I hate washing my hair.  I just hate detangling it and styling it because it takes me an hour and fifteen minutes.  This stuff changes that whole game.  This makes my hair feel like silk and it takes out all my tangles.  Also, since this has keratin in it, my hair is straighter and more manageable.

7: Moroccan Oil Shampoo, Conditioner, and Oil Treatment - I swear by this stuff.  I have used it for 3 years now and I fully credit this elixer of the gods to the health, manageability, texture, shine, volume, etc. of my hair.  I only get a cut about once a year and a big reason is that the oil treatment alone keeps your hair from heat damage and keeps away split and dead ends.  If you aren't using this, what are you waiting on? 

8: Ole Henrickson Truth Serum Collagen Booster - I love the smell of this stuff because it reminds me of a citrus grove.  This is just a really hydrating all over serum and skin brightener.

So, now you know all my secrets.  I have not been paid or endorsed by any of these products.  These are all my own opinions and personal experiences.  I know that a lot of this is ridiculously1%erexpensive, but here is my thing:  I only get one face and my hair is my crown and both are incredibly important to me.  I am very frugal when it comes to most anything else I spend money on, but when it comes to hair, makeup, and skin care, I really won't spare any expense.  Hell, if I had a herd of baby unicorns or one of Britney's degenerate ovaries, I would sell it for clear wrinkle-free skin and long luxurious Katt Williams permstylehair.

Secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone.

Angie

Juicy

Hi Chicitas.  It's rainpocalyse 2012 here in SF for the foreseeable future.  All this dreary weather has me craving to wear the brightest colors possible.  Since Britney was spotted at the mall downtown today, it got me thinking...I really need to go shopping like I have Britney money.  I haven't done a good haul in a long time.  Anyways, I am going to get my mallrat on ASAP and this is what I am in the market for.  Bold juicy colors that scream, let's go play in the sun.

Money Green Leather Sofa.

Angie

FTW!!!!!

Welp, y'all.  I can officially hang up my blogging hat.  I have now achieved all my goals for this blog.  I have been in the New York Times Style Page twice, here and here, meltingeveryonesfacesoff with my amazeballs style.  I thought that was going to be be the pinnacle of my blogging career.  I proved myself wrong.  WAAAAAAAAY wrong.  Well, actually all you sparklegemawesome princesses proved that false.  You see, I checked my analytics.  This is something I do when I am nerdingout, which is way more rockstar than anything y'all know about.  So there I am, reading my analytics like a boss and I see the following are my top search terms...Drum roll please:

Wearing: Pants: H&M. Top: Old Navy.  Shoes: Sam Edelman.  Bag: Vintage, gifted.

1: Crying Britney 

2: Unicorn Rainbow Hearts

3: Drag Queen gif

4: The hotmess 

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!  Can you freakingbelievethis?  I am deadcereal beyond myself flattered.  I have conquered the world with a on the back of my unicorn with a handfull of sparkle, done my fullblownhappydance, and given you all an honorary membership into the SF Chapter of the Britney Spears Sparkle Club!  I love all your precious little crazypeople hearts.  I really truly do.  Thanks for typing in weirdrandocrap and coming to my blog and hanging out. 

From Britney and I, straight to your domepiece:

Sparklegemawesomest!

Angie

What Is Making You Smile Thursday

What up, breezys? How is life treating your fly selves?  I hope nothing but amazingness is raining down on your parade.  It's What Is Making You Smile Thursday, however, before we get to the awards portion of this program, I need to stop and pay homage where it is due.  Chiquitas, unicorns, Britneylovers, and pigeons, I must confess that this is my most favorite outfit I have ever worn.  These photos do this absolutely no justice!  Your girl is wearing a mint condition vintage sunshine yellow sweater skirt set.  This thing came tricked out with lining, absolutely no pitstains, no pilling, and oozes Sparklegemsexiness (copyrighted today, btw).  Moreover, it is pureunadulteratedperfection.  Let's just say I gave Joan a run for her damned money today and actually got a lot of compliments.  Also, I would like to note that even though I may be rockin' the color palate of Google, I am fullblown digging this primary color combo.

Wearing: Top & Skirt: Vintage via: Poshmark.  Shoes: Zara.  Bridge: Golden Gate.  Nail polish: Revlon, Coastal Surf

OKOKOKOK.  I know why you are really here and it's to see the vom of the interwebs that people send to me on the regs.  Honestly, I couldn't thank all you readers enough for the way that you shower me with weird via the internet.  So friends, let's all give a good hearty slowclap to my dual Miss Sparklegemawesomeness' of the week: Megan & Dana of Blue Vanilla.  These girls introduced me to my sister from another mister, Anjelah Johnson, BKA: Bon Qui Qui.  Y'all, I have to tell you this chick is more quotable than myself and pure hilarity.  Here is the best of Bon Qui Qui.  "Don't get too crazy."

RUUUUDE!

Angie

Oh, Tobi...

Ladies and gentledrags, I have a small(large) confession to make to you all.  I think I may be head over heels in lurve with something that shares it's name with that Chad who plays Superman.  Granted they are spelled differently and I would like to ensconce my entire body in one. See, it all started innocently enough...I woke up this morning and decided I hadtohadtohadto have some brightly hued jeans or pants.  Kari from Style at a Steal suggested I try Tobi.  I admit, I had heard of them but hadn't really checked them out. That all changed today. As soon as I went onto the site I went ballztothewall and grabbed everything I could click on.  I just absolutely adored everything.  Great styles, exactly what I was looking for colorwise, and their prices are unbeatable.  Look, we all know I am a recovering sororistute gear addict, so it's hard for me to just plunk down mayjah dollah dollah bills, yo for clothes that I will end up just selling on Poshmark anyways.  Suffice to say, Tobi is my new heart song, and have fully supplied me with the skittles threw up all over a bowl of fruit loops wardrobe I am looking for this Spring.  Here are some of the items that I deem THYMWYA worthy. 

Taste The Rainbow.

Angie

California Love

Holywhatthe???  I haven't blogged since last Wednesday?  How the glitterbomb does that happen?  Well, all I can do is say sorry.  There was a mayjah situation going on here in SF, and it had nothing to do with that fist pumping petri dish of VD from The Jersey Shore.  No no no, what was going on here was much more amazeballs.com.  That's right, it was in the 70's for an entire weekend (which never happens). That means The Mister and I took full advantage and played countless hours of bocce near the beach, bbq'd, rocked out the wii, and entertained our friends.  Look, I am not going to even begin to sugar coat whats been going on around these parts.  I have been so busy lately I haven't known whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.  My full time job is getting in the way of my imaginary full  time job of blogging and it's getting super annoying.  Therefor, if there is some VC out there who wants to give me a few hundred thousand dollars, I will go ahead and Jerry Maguire my real workplace, and steal all their Diet Cokes, in pursuit of becoming a fulltime aholeblogger.  If you know anyone with that kind of cash and they like to make it rain, my contact info is in the righthand rail.  

Wearing: Shirt: Old Navy.  Shorts: Paige Denim.  Shoes: Converse.  Scarf: Coach 

I have a small confession.  I haven't owned a chambray shirt until just recently.  I had one for a little while but it was too dark and instead of looking all cute blogger, I was looking like the sweetheart of the rodeo minus the Janet Cameltoelo.  Anywhozzle... Santina is the queen of the chambray, and inspires the everlovingbritney out of me to try to rock one.  So, I found this one on Poshmark, consulted Santina, and then bought it.  I honest to god have no idea what I have been doing by not owning one of these but I have pretty much been dressed like this since I got it:

From the Bay Area and back down,

Angie

PdotS:  This is the song I woke up with in my head today, so we will just roll with it.