Blech. Monday. How brutal could you possibly be? Once again, my glutenintolerancemiserables are back in my stomach and show no signs of getting the eff away from me. I am about thisclose to de-horning a unicorn and using it to shove it through my belly button in hopes that would cure it. But then all I would be doing is giving another horse to the world...Not only that but I already have one ill-advised hole in my belly button (shut your face with that sideeye! It was 1999 and Britney was at the top of the charts with "One More Time." If you try to tell me that you never had your belly button pierced or at least thought about it, I will call you a boldfacedliar...At least I don't have a tramp stamp)
|Wearing: Shorts: 7 For All Mankind. Shoes: Aldo. Blazer & Shirt: H&M.|
So, here is the deal. I ate a banana this weekend and now my stomach has been aching ever since. I swear on every rainbow ever created that I think I am allergic to bananas. They make me double up in pain and then bloat my gut out and give me mayjahbuttpee. Why does this happen? Is this a food allergy or am I just destined to subsist on pickles, cheese sticks, greek yogurt, sugar free red bull, wine, and baby carrots? Which actually, sounds like an amazing diet to me. I was talking to my dad about this and he said that I have had a stomach ache my entire life. It's very true, I have had more days of stomach pain than not, in my life. I tried being a vegetarian and a vegequarian for 10 years...Not only was I a total chubbalubb and built like a Hershey Kiss, my stomach was in the worst condition ever. I have tried no gluten and as much gluten as I can handle without turning into a loaf of bread. When I told my family I was gluten intolerant and couldn't eat pasta, it was as if the world no longer made sense. I told this to my Grandpa and he was talking to me about dinner (at 10am) and told him I couldn't eat spaghetti and he said, "Ok, I will make ziti." If anyone has any insight to how to make my stomach not hurt me after most meals I eat, I am all for it. Also, has anyone done a juice diet? I am super interested in this, but at the same time, a little worried that it will make me be better friends with my toilet than I already am.
Don Johnson's Latin Love Child.