Hello Sugarboogers. So, after talking to you all about my SADs, The Mister and I got out of The City and headed down to the South Bay, where the sun shines like there is no tomorrow and the beer flows like wine. Aside from the amazeballs weather down there, the place is pure suburbia...which is basically like the Twilight Zone to me. Do you know how long it has been since I have seen a chain restaurant or a Target? The answer is, toodamnedlong. While down there, I stopped into a CVS to pick up a toothbrush and walked out with all this goodness:
It's not that we don't have drugstores in SF...We do. A lot actually. There is a Walgreens on every corner. But they are janky. I have to comb through adult diapers, escape from Alcatraz t-shirts, and rotten sushi just to get to my Sally Hensen nail decals. Also, for some reason everything at every Walgreens in Frisco is under lock and key...So that means every time I need to pick up some tampons, I have to press a call button and then some jerkoff that bites his own ears comes over and I have to explain why I need the super OB's. I feel like Mortified Mildred when I am in there. Anyways, with no one judging my shopping habits, I fully went windowstothewall in CVS and since you are all enablers, I thought you might enjoy this:
1. Simple Facial Wipes: Sadsmallconfession, I am not great about washing my face before bed. Mostly because it's a whole process and I have to moisturize, etc just to go to sleep. Well, these wipes make it so much easier and I feel like they have moisturizer built in because my skin doesn't feel all tight and Magda-like.
2. Jergens Natural Glow Express & Firming Lotion: Speaking of Magda, since it's too cold to get a real tan, I have gotten my Snooki on and started using this stuff. Let me tell you, the express lotion works reallyreallyreally well. I was actually sitting in a meeting the other day thinking: "Damn, who went to the tanning bed at lunch, I can smell it..." Then I looked at my shoulder and nearly fell out of my chair because I had reverted to my Floridian skin tone without doing a thing. Caution: Only use this for the prescribed 3 days, you freaking tanorexic. Also, wash your hands after use. I look like I have been making pottery with Patrick Swayze.
3. Revlon Hot Coral Lipstick: Because coral is the new awesome.
4. L'Oreal Root Rescue: Last time I went to the salon it cost me nearly $400 for my ombre. I love getting my hrrrrrr did, but I really don't feel like sitting in a salon for a whole day right now...I am also debating another big hair color change. This will buy me a few weeks for me to make that decision and save me some dough in the meantime.
5. Simi Alexander Valley 2008 Cabernet Sauvignon: Because when you are at a drugstore and they actually have a quality wine that doesn't come in a freaking box, you buy it...Well, at least if you are me, you buy it. Besides: all of these goodies + wine = Best GNI EVER!
6. Essie polishes: I bought "Lights", "Sand Tropez", "Orange, it Obvious", and "Chinchilly". Is this a new thing that drugstores are carrying my favorite laquers or have I just been stuck in the land of judgy store clerks for too long?
7. Skintimate Moisturizing Cream Shave Lotion: YESYESYESYES to all of this. Since I am going to have my gams out as much as possible these days, this stuff is a total necessity.
8. Garnier Skin Renew Miracle Skin Perfector B.B. Cream Medium/Deep: Holy a;guihr[eihugr'ioherwehbbjiubhw!!!!! This was me when I put this stuff on:
I have heard about BB cream but was hesitant to give it a whirl, because A: I didn't know what kind of baby dragons needed to die in order for it to do all the things that I read that it did. B: You know how attached to my products I am. So, I figured, why not spend $13 and see if this so-called "miracle cream" worked. Keep in mind, my idea of "miracle" is the fact that Britney hasn't turned into a vat of potato salad by now, so, my standards may be a little low. Well, guess, what, it does work! It's effingfantastic actually! In the summertime, I like to have a natural, sunkissed face, that is still a little dewy. This stuff will give you that. I swear to everythinggoodandbritney that I don't even have to wear concealer anymore. Try this stuff, and thank me later.
OK, there you have it. Go forth and buy crap because all you do is enable me.
Real Housewife of The Burbs of SF.