New Britney Video Breakdown

OKOKOK!  I know you all have been patiently anticipating this.  Britney's new video for Criminal came out last week and it's been a good 3 months since I got all Men on Film on you with a music video breakdown.  In the past, these have been a national holiday around THYMWYA, so what better way to come out of hibernation than celebrate everyone's favorite Princess of the Trailer Park, Ms. Britney J. Spears.

Wearing: Sweater: H&M.  Shirt: Equipment.  Skirt: Forever 3.0.

Look, sugar boogers.  I am not going to pussyfoot around this situation...Como se dice, THISVIDEOSUCKSBALLZ? I called it when this song came out and said that I liked the song but the fact that Brit let her cousin Cooter from the swamp play the recorder in the beginning was overly annoying to me. Pretty much, this video is MA/L/S/V.  I feel like this should have some sort of warning on it like Sons of Anarchy does.  Pretty pos this was an excuse for that slowtalker Jason Trawahahaahahahah to get BritBrit to do P90x with him for 3 months and then get nekkidasajaybird and get some sweet bullet special effects all up in his grill.

First off the dude in the beginning is a total CHAD.  Let's just get that out of the way.  Look, I can dig the passion between these two.  I can even semi get behind ol' boys sharpie tattoos.  You know what I ABSOLUTELY can't get behind?  The fact that BJS doesn't dance anymore.  DEADCEREAL I AM PISSED!!!!!!!  Look Brit, I am 30 and though my hips and uterus haven't been ravaged by kids, I can say with all certainty that I can still throw it, and I know you can too.  I am about to start a petition for her to start dancing again, much like the one going around for Justin Timberlake to start making music again.  I know that these are harsh criticisms for the patron saint of THYMWYA, but as the sitting President of the SF Chapter of the Britney Spears Sparkle Club, it is my sworn duty to call BS on her when I see it.  Britney Jean, this is BS!!!!!!!!  

It's Angie Bitch!

Angie.  DUH.